To ism or not to ism

Over the centuries, some lucky people have been granted a measure of immortality by having had their names transformed into common English words. One way to achieve such posthumous fame is to become so closely identified with an idea that your name becomes an ism.

Thus, the philosophers Plato and Karl Marx are enshrined in the words Platonism and Marxism, and the French soldier, Nicholas Chauvin, pursed patriotism so zealously and excessively that his name is preserved in chauvinism.

The Rev. William Archibald Spooner occasionally and unintentionally interchanged sounds in his statement - "Is it kistomary to cuss the bride?" "You are occupewing my pie" - and we call such comic transpositions spoonerisms.

The life and writings of the Marquis de Sade extolled the pleasures of inflicting pain, and the fictional characters of novelist Leopold Sacher-Masoch enjoyed receiving pain. Today the names of these two men live on in the words sadism and masochism.

Two new ism words knocking at the covers of the dictionary are Goldwynism and Berraism. Samuel Goldwyn and Lawrence "Yogi" Berra are two American legends who have created such bizarre flights of linguistic fancy, such mind-boggling malapropisms, mixed metaphors, Irish bulls, memorable non-sequiturs, and intuitive wisdom, that their names may one day enter the dictionary as ism words.

Sam Goldwyn came to America from Poland and became a legendary Hollywood producer. Perhaps even more enduring than the memorable MGM pictures he made are his classic manglings of the English language, now known as Goldwynisms:

• A verbal contract isn't worth the the paper its written on.
• I'll give you a definite maybe.
• We're overpaying him, but he's worth it.
• I never liked you and I always will.
• Include me out.
• Don't talk to me while I'm interrupting.
• I may not always be right, but I'm never wrong.
• Anybody who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have their head examined.
• The scene is dull. Tell him to put more life into his dying.
• This book has too much plot and not enough story.
• Every director bites the hand that lays the golden egg.
• In two words: im-possible.
• A bachelor's life is no life for a single man.
• Go see it and see for yourself why you shouldn't see it.
• It's spreading like wildflowers!
• You've got to talk the bull by the teeth.
• If I could drop dead right now, I'd be the happiest man alive.
• When I want your opinion, I'll give it to you.
• I had a monumental idea last night, but I didn't like it.
• Going to call him William? What kind of name is that? Every Tom, Dick and Harry is called William.

As good as Goldwyn, is Yogi Berra. Posterity may best remember the great Yankee catcher for the linguistic screwballs he has pitched over the years. Many observers feel that Berra learned to mutilate the English language so creatively from his manager, Professor Casey Stengel, to whom is attributed such beauties as, "A lot of people my age are dead at the present time" and "Good hitting always stops good pitching, and vice versa". Apparently, Berra learned his lessons well, as demonstrated by the following Berraisms, also known as Yogi-isms.

• Sometimes you can observe a lot by watching.
• It ain't over 'til it's over.
• No wonder nobody comes here - it's too crowded.
• If the people don't want to come out to the park, nobody's gonna stop them.
• A nickel ain't worth a dime any more.
• Even Napoleon had his Watergate.
• I want to thank everybody who made this night necessary.
• Half the lies they tell me aren't true.
• If you can't imitate him, don't copy him.
• Mickey Mantle: "What time is it? Berra: You mean right now?"
• On receiving a check made out to "Bearer": "How could you spell my name like that?"
• Ninety percent of this game is half mental.

Even if Yogi Berra's name doesn't make it into the dictionary, his engaging turns of phrase may live through his son Dale. When the younger Berra was playing shortstop for the Pittsburgh Pirates, he was asked to compare himself with his father. His answer: "Our similarities are different."