Where did the violent crime happen? In the streets, of course, and not at the Republican fund-raiser. Such sentences are afflicted with misplaced modifiers, meaning that their scaffolding is firmly planted in midair.

In a major New England newspaper appeared this cryptic listing: "Former hostage Terry Waite talks about five years of confinement in Beirut with Barbara Walters in a specially expanded segment of 20/20 at 10 on Channel 5." Misplaced modifiers seem to be especially attracted to Ms. Walters. The prominent news journalist appeared in this sentence; "Yoko Ono will talk about her husband, John Lennon, who was killed in an interview with Barbara Walters."

Here are some more mangled modifiers found on the floor, in the closet, and in a number of other strange places:

• Another surgeon performed an amputa- tion of the leg with the patient hypno- tized four years later.
  
• You can own a handcrafted etching in glass for a limited time only.
  
• The new facilities will make it possible for babies to be born in Roosevelt Hospital for the first time.
  
• She watched as her father returned home with horses all dressed in cowboy attire.
• During our entire marriage of 44 years, plus a few preceding years of courtship, I could count the numbers of times Henry was stopped by a policeman for driving on just three fingers on my left hand.
  
• It is time to renew your Denver city license for your pet, which expires in a month.
  
• An oil spill was first reported to the Coast Guard in early May by a person who saw oil covered rocks walk- ing along the shore.
  
• The Sterling Recreation Department will begin selling tickets to see the Red Sox play at 6.30pm in the Town Hall.
  
• Hunters have gained the right to hunt deer in the Illinois Supreme Court.
  
• Oh, still, it was delicious to sit near the well where a few trees survived, gnawing on the salty stringy meat and drinking beer.
  
• We saw many bears driving through Yellowstone Park.
  
• Oxbridge Church tries to assist in serving a luncheon for the families of church members who have died immediately following the funeral.
  
• Following the brawl at 5 East Broad Street, Detective Delvecchio said, "Officer Michael Murphy of Farmington Police drove down Orchard Street with his department's police dog addressing the crowd."
  
• A woman who started selling hot dogs clad in a bikini two weeks ago was denied a vendor's license at a Town Council meeting.
  
• A couple gets their antiques from a buyer in Los Gatos who accepts antiques on consignment from local persons in good condition.
  
• Wednesday morning, Gordon's oldest son Bill signed a letter of intent with Indiana University to play football for the Hoosiers in the family kitchen at 1374 Pond Drive in West Carston.
  
• During the height of the annual summer spawning runs, Ronnie Ackerman pho- tographed a brown bear wallowing for salmon in a secluded Alaskan stream with a Nikkormat camera and 300mm lens.
  
• Through the use of ultrasound, University of Washington researcher Marcia Greene studies women who develop high blood pressure during pregnancy with the assistance of ALAA- Washington funds.
  
• Sayer's frozen sculptures double as serv- ing vessels. They are preserved in a cav- ernous freezer, and come Saturday eve- ing, they are rolled out into a room full of people, laden with iced shrimps and fresh fruits.
  
• A new security device can detect a person approaching your home right through the walls.
  
• At 5.20 yesterday evening, Sean Leary, 24, of Belmont Road, was driving his motor cycle west on the street where he lives at a high speed.
  And finally this:
  
• A flight attendant annouced over the airplane's public address system: "I have a pearl earring from a passenger I found on the floor." Presumably, it was the earring__and not the passenger__that the tangle-tongued flight attendant had found on the floor.

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  Richard Lederer